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Chapter 5

Personal Performance Analysis
By James J. Messina, Ph.D., CCMHC, NCC, DCMHS-T

MWO 5 Roster

5-1 A Couple’s Analysis of their Individual Personality Functioning

5-2 A Couple’s Life Events Stress Analysis

5-3 A Couple’s Assessment of What Type they Are

5-4 Self-Image Checklist

5-5 Increasing Personal Performance

5-6 Follow-up Work-out Plans for My Personal Functioning

MWO 5 Prologue


• • • Lois Durite is a constant worrier, she constantly frets about her children's progress in school and how they handle their social relationships. She is a compulsive cleaner and is a neat freak. Joshua Durite at home, is a laid back, easy going individual who does not get too concerned about the “small" things. He cannot appreciate his wife's concerns. She on the other hand resents his offhandedness• • •

 

How an individual partner functions personally influences the health of the relationship. The exercises in this chapter will help you and your partner identify the individual personality characteristics which impact your marriage. To make a successful Marriage Work-Out, individual partners must be willing to accept the other for who s/he is rather than who the partners want them to be.
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Downloadable Chapter 5 Worksheets

5-1 A Couple’s Analysis of their Individual Personality Functioning

 

When you are trying to improve your marital relationship there are oftentimes personality functions in you or your partner which block the efforts to grow. This exercise is designed for you both to identify the prevalent personality functions which are impairing your joint efforts at growth. Read each description then check the item for yourself and/or your spouse if you believe this aspect of personality is blocking your couple growth. Do this exercise separately then share the results with your partner.

 

Check only the items with which you and/or your spouse have a problem.

Me

Spouse

 

 

 

1. Ability to Establish Relationship

Ability to relate to others with genuineness, warmth and empathy.

 

 

2. Appropriate Reality Testing

Ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

 

 

3. Appropriate Judgment

Ability to reason from cause to effect and establish the connection between causality and own action. Ability to consciously arrive at understanding of the appropriate action to be taken in a situation by utilizing previous experience and current knowledge of alternatives.

 

 

4. Appropriate Impulse Control

Ability to delay gratifications with constrained behavior in life situations

 

 

5. Appropriate  Frustration Tolerance

Refers to the amount of apprehension or tension which develops when it is necessary to delay a desired gratification.

 

 

6. Emotional Level

(Check below the descriptions of problem emotions)

 

 

Exaggerated elation or enthusiasm Unrealistic euphoria or excitement

 

 

Depression, sadness, feeling blue or hopeless

 

 

Flat affect - little emotional response

 

 

Cold and/or distant emotional response

 

 

Detached and/or non-involved emotionally

 

 

Extreme mood swings

 

 

Expansive mood

 

 

Irritable mood

 

 

Grandiosity or inflated self-esteem

 

 

Delusional episodes

 

 

Distractible (attention easily drawn to irrelevant stimuli)

 

 

Subject to bizarre behavior

 

 

Feelings of inadequacy

 

 

Tearfulness or crying

 

 

Pessimistic attitude toward the future

 

 

Brooding about past events

 

 

Exaggerated optimism

 

 

Exaggeration of past achievements

 

 

Guilt over past events

 

 

Feeling slowed down

 

 

Restless

 

 

Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

 

 

7, Behavioral  Level

(Check below the descriptions of problem behavior)

 

 

Insomnia

 

 

Little need for sleep

 

 

Low energy or chronic fatigue

 

 

More energy than knows what to do with

 

 

Poor effectiveness or productivity at school, work or home

 

 

Unusual productivity associated with unusual and self-imposed working hours

 

 

Poor attention, concentration or ability to think clearly

 

 

Socially withdrawn    

 

 

Uninhibited and/or extremely gregarious

 

 

Little interest or enjoyment in sex

 

 

Overly sexed

 

 

Restricted involvement in pleasurable activities

 

 

Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities with lack of concern for the possibility of negative consequences

 

 

Not talkative

 

 

Extremely talkative

 

 

Excessive use of mood altering chemicals/drugs

 

 

Excessive alcohol use

 

 

Excessive gambling

 

 

Excessive eating

 

 

8. Response to Anxiety or Tension Producing Stimuli

(Check below the descriptions of problem responses)

 

 

Temper Tantrums

 

 

Angry outburst

 

 

Physical and/or verbal abuse

 

 

Panic or panic attack

 

 

Regression - excessive use of fantasy and unrealistic thinking

 

 

Repression - not allowing anxiety producing issues to surface to the conscious level

 

 

Projection - person ascribes thoughts and feelings to another person

 

 

Isolation - a distinct separation of thought from feeling

 

 

Denial - where reality of a situation is denied

 

 

Intellectualization - talking instead of doing, "theorizing" instead of being really productive

 

 

Rationalization - an effort to justify or explain away acts in a false manner

 

 

Marked fears or phobias

 

 

Physical motor response - shakiness, jitteriness, jumpiness, trembling, fidgeting, etc.

 

 

Autonomic response - sweating, heart pounding, dizziness, upset stomach, etc.

 

 

Apprehensive expectation with worry, fear, rumination and anticipation of misfortune

 

 

Feeling "on edge," irritable, impatient

 

 

Obsessive - recurrent, persistent ideas, thoughts, images or impulses

 

 

Compulsive - repetitive and seemingly purposeful behaviors that are performed according to certain rules or in a stereotyped fashion

 

Review your ratings with your partner. This is your joint diagnosis of your personality functioning. Review what your partner has said about you and do the same with your ratings about her/him. Once you have completed the review here are some suggested questions for you both to discuss:

 

1. Do either or both of us have some major personality or mental health issue(s)which need(s)professional help before we as a couple can ever expect to grow together in our relationship?


2. What steps can we take in our marriage to address the problem areas in our individual personality functioning?


3. What can I do to help mysel f better cope w ith the unique personality of my partner?


4. What am I willing to work on changing or alter ing in my personality to help our relationship grow?


5. What can I do to assist my partner to better cope with my uniqueness?


6. How much am I willing to compromise in order to make our relationship grow and mature?


7. Since we have been married, have either of us experienced a major change in personality functioning?


8. What impact have our families of origin had on the development of our personalities?


9. What role models of healthy personality functioning have we had in our lives?


10. How freely do we usually discuss as problematic the personality functions identified in this exercise?


Spend enough time covering this exercise and the rest of this chapter. This is an area which can frequently be ignored in working on a marriage. What you personally bring to your partnership has a direct bearing on its future success. It takes two human beings with their unique personalities to make a marriage. How successful these personalities relate and behave with one another will determine the future of the marriage.

 

In your Journal Record Your Personal Notes on this Exercise

5-2 A Couples Life Events Stress Analysis


Life events have an impact on how you two function as a couple. If these events have occurred in the last year they have created stress for you or your spouse. Read the entire list of events and circle the value of the event under your column if it occurred for you or under your partner’s column if it occurred for your partner. Do this exercise individually at first then compare your results with those of your partner.


Life Event which has occurred in the last year

Me

Spouse

Death of spouse

100

100

Divorce

73

73

Marital separation

65

65

Jail Term

63

63

Death of a close family member

63

63

Personal injury or illness

53

53

Marriage

50

50

Fired from work

47

47

Marital reconciliation

45

45

Retirement

45

45

Change in family member’s health

44

44

Pregnancy

40

40

Sex difficulties

39

39

Addition to the family

39

39

Business readjustment

39

39

Change in financial status

38

38

Death of a close friend

37

37

Change to different line of work

36

36

Change in the number of marital arguments

35

35

Mortgage or loan over $10,000

31

31

Foreclosure of mortgage or loan

30

30

Change in work responsibilities

29

29

Son or daughter leaving home

29

29

Trouble with in-laws

29

29

Outstanding personal achievement

28

28

Spouse begins or stops work

26

26

Starting or finishing school

26

26

Change in living conditions

25

25

Revision of personal habits

24

24

Trouble with boss

23

23

Change in work hours, conditions

20

20

Change in residence

20

20

Change in schools

20

20

Change in recreational habits

19

19

Change in church activities

18

18

Change in social activities

18

18

Mortgage or loan under $10,000

17

17

Change in sleeping habits

16

16

Change in number of family gatherings

15

15

Change in eating habits

15

15

Vacation

13

13

Christmas season

12

12

Minor violation of the law

11

11

Totals

 

 

 

How to Analyze the Score:

 

Add up all of the values you have circled. If the total value score is over 100 you may want to find ways to reduce stress in your daily life so that your stress score doesn't increase. The reason for not wanting it to increase is that it has been found that the following scores indicated the chances of people suffering a severe illness in two years from when their scores were determined.

 

Score

% Chance of Suffering Illness in Near Future

150 or less

30%

150-300

50%

Over 300

80%

 

The higher your score, the harder you need to work to stay well.

 

Suggested Uses for this Stress Analysis

1. Become familiar with the life events and the amount of change they require.

 

2. Put the list of events where you and your partner can see it easily several times a day.

 

3. With practice you can recognize when one of these life events happens.

 

4. Think' about the meaning of the event for you and try to identify some of the feelings you experience.

 

5. Think about the different ways you might best adjust to the event.

 

6. Take your time in arriving at decisions.

 

7.  If possible, anticipate life changes and plan for them well in advance.

 

8. Pace yourself. It can be done even if you are in a hurry.

 

9. Look at the accomplishment of a task as a part of daily living and avoid looking at such an achievement as a "stopping point" or as a time for letting down.

 

10. Monitor your spouse's response to one of these events recognizing the degree of stress it produces.

 

Suggested Discussion Questions

 

1. How well does this analysis capture the underlying cause of some of the tensions and problems we have had in the past or present?

 

2, How open are we to considering one another's stress levels when we are feeling hurt in our relationship?

 

3. How easy is it to admit I might have a weakness or problem out of my control which affects me and our relationship?

 

4. How can we use this life events stress analysis to prevent future marital discord?

 

5. What are the reasons why I try to ignore my partner's life events which are not directly related to me?

 

6. What steps can we take to reduce the stress we are experiencing in our life?

 

7. How willing am I to commit to a stress reduction program for both of us?

 

8. How is it that we can know about the role of stress in our lives and yet we still ignore it in our relationship when under pressure?

 

9. How do the results of this analysis help me come to a better understanding of myself?

 

10. What can we do in the future with the knowledge and understanding we have come to as a result of this exercise?

 

In your Journal Record Your Personal Notes on this Exercise

5-3 A Couple’s Assessment of What Type They Are

 

This survey is utilized to identify if a person is a Type A personality. What Type person you are can influence your marital relationship. Read each item. Circle the number in your column of the statement which most accurately describes you. Circle the number in your spouse's column of the statement which you feel most accurately describes your partner. Do this survey individually, do not share your results with your partner until you have completed the survey and tabulated scores for you and your spouse.

 

Me

Spouse

1. Is your everyday life filled mostly by:

1

1

Problems needing solution

2

2

Challenges needing to be met

3

3

A rather predictable routine of events

4

4

Not enough things to keep me interested or busy

 

Me

Spouse

2. When you are under pressure or stress, what do

you usually do:

1

1

Do something about it immediately.

2

2

Plan carefully before taking any action.

 

Me

Spouse

3. Ordinarily, how rapidly do you eat:

1

1

I am usually the first one finished.

2

2

I eat a little faster than average.

3

3

I eat at about the same speed as most people.

4

4

I eat more slowly than most people.

 

Me

Spouse

4. Has your spouse or a friend ever told you that you eat too fast:

1

1

Yes, often

2

2

Yes, once or twice

3

3

No, never

 

Me

Spouse

5. When you listen to someone talking, and this person takes too long to come to a point, how often do you feel like hurrying the person along:

1

1

Frequently

2

2

Occasionally

3

3

Almost Never

 

Me

Spouse

6. How often do you actually “put words in the person’s mouth” in order to speed things up:

1

1

Frequently

2

2

Occasionally

3

3

Almost Never

 

Me

Spouse

7. If you tell your spouse or a friend that you will meet somewhere at a definite often do you arrive late:

1

1

I am never late

2

2

Rarely

3

3

Once in awhile

 

Me

Spouse

8. When you were younger, did most people consider you to be:

1

1

Definitely hard driving and competitive

2

2

Probably hard driving and competitive

3

3

Probably more relaxed and easy going

4

4

Definitely more relaxed and easy going

 

Me

Spouse

9. Nowadays, do you consider yourself to be:

1

1

Definitely hard driving and competitive

2

2

Probably hard driving and competitive

3

3

Probably more relaxed and easy going

4

4

Definitely more relaxed and easy going

 

Me

Spouse

10. Would your spouse rate you as:

1

1

Definitely hard driving and competitive

2

2

Probably hard driving and competitive

3

3

Probably more relaxed and easy going

4

4

Definitely more relaxed and easy going

 

Me

Spouse

11. Would your spouse rate your general level of

activity as:

1

1

Too active - should slow down

2

2

About average - busy much of the time

3

3

Too slow - should be more active

 

Me

Spouse

12. How was your temper when you were younger:

1

1

Fiery and hard to control

2

2

Strong but controllable

3

3

No problem

4

4

I almost never got angry

 

Me

Spouse

13. How often are there deadlines on your job:

1

1

Daily or more often

2

2

Weekly

3

3

Monthly or less often

4

4

Never

 

Me

Spouse

14. Do you ever set deadlines or quotas for yourself at work or at home:

1

1

Yes, once a week or more

2

2

Yes, but only occasionally

3

3

No

 

Me

Spouse

15. At work, do you ever keep two jobs moving forward at the same time by shifting back and forth rapidly from one to the other:

1

1

Yes, regularly

2

2

Yes, but only in emergencies

3

3

No, never

 

Me

Spouse

16. In the past three years, have you ever taken less than your allotted number of vacation days:

1

1

My type of job does not provide regular vacations

2

2

No

3

3

Yes

 

Me

Spouse

17. How often do you bring your work home with you at night, or study materials related to your job:

1

1

More than once a week

2

2

Once a week or less

3

3

Rarely or never

 

Me

Spouse

18. When you are in a group, how often do the other people look to you for leadership:

1

1

Rarely

2

2

About as often as they look to others

3

3

More often than they look to others

 

 

Me

Spouse

19. Compared to most people, In sense of responsibility, I am:

1

1

Much more responsible

2

2

A little more responsible

3

3

A little less responsible

4

4

Much less responsible

 

 

Me

Spouse

20. Compared to most people, I approach life in general:

1

1

Much more seriously

2

2

A little more seriously

3

3

A little less seriously

4

4

Much less seriously

 

My Score ____

 

My Spouse’s Socre ______

 

How to Interpret the Scores: Add up all of the values on the 20 items for each of you. Now compare your individual totals with the  range of scores and  personality type.

 

Scores

Type of  Personality

20  - 41

Type A

41 - 68

Type B

 

Here are the descriptions of the Type A & B Personality.  Read them over together and see if you and your partner agree with each other's type description.

 

Type A Personality Description

  • Impatient with delays
  • Aggressive
  • More hostility than affection
  • Sense of time urgency and haste
  • Lack of sense of humor - tendency to be more cynical
  • Fear of loss of control over personal environment
  • React to stress with hypertensive response
  • Extreme competitiveness and striving for achievement
  • Feelings of being "under pressure ..." in the f ace of the challenge of responsibility
  • Deeply involved in work - tendency to be a workaholic
  • More vulnerable to sense of helplessness

 

Type B Personality Description

  • Harbors no free f loating hostility
  • Does not display achievement or accomplishment unless demanded by the work situation
  • If plays, does so for fun and relaxation
  • Can relax without guilt
  • Can work with agitation

 

Suggested Discussion Questions

1. How does what type personality I am affect our relationship?

 

2. How does it affect a relationship when the partners are different types?

 

3. What are some things we can do in our relationship to reduce the stress created by having a Type A person in it?

 

4. How do we work at playing? How could we enjoy playing more for the relaxation and fun of it?

 

5. How can we assist a Type A partner to relax more and be less agitated or impatient?

 

6. How can we address the sense of responsibility and need for control in a type A partner?

 

7. How can we improve in the ways• we show support to one another?

 

8. How can we better deal w ith a Type B partner's lack of aggressiveness and "apparent" lack of motivation on the job or at home?

 

9. What can I do to help my Type B partner feel more accepting of my Type A ways of acting and vice versa?

 

10. Now that we know how we are typed, what can we do to ensure that we don’t let this affect our marriage in the future?

 

In your Journal Record Your Personal Notes on this Exercise

5.4 Self-Image Checklist

 

The following Self-Image Checklist may help you and your spouse explore some of your feelings and attitudes about yourself and their effect on your marital interactions. The activity consists of a Self-Rating Checklist divided into the three areas of competence, power, and intimacy, Work through each section separately. As you read the items listed for each section, think about the extent to which the item accurately describes your behavior most of the time. Check the items that are most descriptive of you. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. Do this exercise separately. Share results with your partner once you have completed the checklist.

 

Competence Assessment

_____ Constructive negative feedback from my spouse about myself makes me feel incompetent or uncertain.

_____ I tend to put myself down frequently.

_____ I lack confidence in myself as a spouse.

_____ I often am preoccupied with thinking that I am not a competent spouse.

_____ When I am involved in a conflict, I go out of my way to ignore or avoid it.

_____ When I get positive feedback about myself I don't believe it is true.

_____ I set unrealistic goals for myself as a spouse that are not within reach.

_____ A confronting, hostile attitude makes me feel uneasy or incompetent.

_____ I often find myself apologizing for myself or my behavior.

_____ I am hot confident I am (or will be) a successful spouse.

_____ I find myself worrying a lot about "not making it" as a married person.

_____ I am likely to be a little scared if my partner idolized me.

_____ A lot of times I will set standards or goals for myself that are too tough to attain.

_____ I tend to avoid negative feedback when I can.

_____ Doing well or being successful make me feel uneasy.

 

Power Assessment

_____ If I am really honest, I think my approach to life is a little superior to my partner's.

_____ I try to get my spouse to do what I want and I get defensive if s/he disagrees with what I want to do.

_____ I do not feel there is a balance in my marriage between my views and the views of my partner.

_____ I feel angry when my partner is resistant or stubborn to my suggestions,

_____ I can see that I am tempted to get some of my own philosophy and ideology across to my spouse.

_____ "Preaching" behavior is not a problem for me.

_____ I feel impatient with my partner when s/he has a different way of looking at a situation than I.

_____ I am reluctant to follow my partner's advice especially when my spouse's style differs from mine.

_____ Sometimes I feel rejecting or intolerant of my partner when our values and styles clash.

_____ It is hard for me to avoid getting into a power struggle with my partner.

 

Intimacy Assessment

_____ There are times when I act more gruff than I really feel.

_____ It is hard for me to express positive feelings to my partner.

_____ I would really like to be a closer friend to my partner.

_____ It would upset me if my spouse didn't like me.

_____ If I sense my partner has some negative feelings toward me, I try to avoid them.

_____ Many times I go out of my way to avoid offending my partner.

_____ I feel more comfortable maintaining distance between my partner and myself.

_____ Being close to my partner is something that makes me feel uncomfortable.

_____ I am very sensitive to how my partner feels about me especially if it is negative.

_____ I cannot accept positive feedback from my partner easily.

_____ It is difficult for me to confront my partner.

 

The following are suggested issues to consider after you and your spouse have filled out the Self-Image Checklist:

 

1. For each of the three assessment areas, look over your responses and determine the areas that seem to be fine and the areas that may be a problem for you both. You may find more problems in one area than another.

 

2. Do your "trouble spots" seem to occur all the time or only at special times? In all situations or some situations?

 

3. Compare yourself now to where you both might have been four years ago and where you may be four years from now.

 

4. Identify areas in which you feel you could use some help from each other.

 

Suggested Discussion Questions

 

1, How does my personal self-image affect our marital relationship?

 

2. Why is it that you accept me for what I am, much better than I accept myself?

 

3. How do we help each other feel competent?

 

4. What are some ways we could improve the ways we deal with one another, now that we have seen each other’s self-image check list?

 

5. What are some ways you can help me overcome my negative and pessimistic view of myself?

 

6. What are we both willing to do to help each other improve our self -image(s)?

 

7. How important is our self -image in making a Marriage Work­Out?

 

8. What role models of self-acceptance are we (or will we be) to our children?

 

9. Here are some other areas of self-image we should discuss together:

  1. Physical looks
  2. Weight
  3. Height
  4. Personal habits
  5. Talents or abilities
  6. Interpersonal relationships

 

In your Journal Record Your Personal Notes on this Exercise

5-5 Increasing Personal Performance

 

In the management world the concept of The New One Minute Manager (2015) by Ken Blanchard & Spenser Johnson from William Morrow Books, emphasizes goal setting, praising and reprimanding. These three elements can be used to increase personal functioning in marriage. This activity is centered on the three principles and involves you both in helping each other to improve personal performance in the Marriage Work-Out.

 

STEP 1 – Goal Setting

To perform this portion of the activity you two are to role play for15 minutes a communications session in which you are discussing one of the following four topics which has been a frequently occurring event. The four topics are:

 

1. The checking account. Not enough money to cover the bills.

2. The kids are always getting to bed an hour past the allotted bedtime.

3. One partner is feeling unsupported by the other partner

4.  The sexual closeness you once felt at the beginning of your married life has dissipated.

 

Choose one of the four topics to role play now.

 

Our Role Play topic is: ___________________________

           

Directions: During your role play you two are going to decide on a specific goal to be accomplished which will begin to rectify the problem being addressed. Be sure during your role play to use Active Listening, Facilitative Responses and Good Problem Solving. Also use these rules of the One Minute Manager for Goal Setting:

1) Agree on your goal

2) Describe the goal in behavioral terms only

3) Write out your goal on a single sheet of paper using less than 250 words

4) Be ready to read and re-read the goal after it is written to reinforce it

5) Be ready to check your performance daily on this goal

6) Be sure your behavior matches your goal

 

At the end of this role play you each should have written out a behavioral goal to begin to resolve the problem. You both will have a set of behaviors you will need to address to rectify the problem.

 

STEP 2 – Praising

To perform this portion of the activity you two are to role play for 15 minutes a communications session which is happening one week later than your discussion in Step 1. This time you and your partner are discussing the goal set concerning one of the four topics (See Step 1). Your role play is to focus on the positive progress being made in resolving the earlier mentioned problem. This session should be reassuring, encouraging and positive. Use these rules of the One Minute Manager for Praising:

1) Tell your partner up f ront that you are going to let her/him know how s/he is doing

2) Praise your partner immediately

3) Tell your partner what s/he did right - .be specific

4) Tell your partner how good you feel about what s/he did right and how it helps you two resolve the problems identified

5) Stop for a moment of silence after each "praise" statement to let your partner "feel" how good you feel

6) Encourage your partner to do more of the same       ,

7) Affectionately touch your partner in a way that makes it clear that you support her/his success in this matter

 

At the end of this role play, you two should have reinforced each other's progress in attaining the goals identified in Step 1, by taking turns praising one another.

 

STEP 3 – Reprimand

To perform this portion of the activity you two are to role play f or 15 minutes a communications session which is happening one week later than the discussion in Step 2. This time, you and your partner are discussing the 2 goals set concerning one of the four topics (See Step 1). Your role play is to focus on specific behaviors which are not in accord with the goals.  To do this role play utilize these rules of the One Minute Manager for Reprimanding.

1) Tell your partner beforehand that you are going to let her/him know how s/he is doing and in no uncertain terms

FIRST HALF OF THE REPRIMAND

2) Reprimand your partner immediately when the target behaviors occur

3) Tell your partner how you feel about what s/he did wrong and be specific

4) Tell your partner how you feel about what s/he did wrong and in no uncertain terms.

5) Stop for a few seconds of uncomfortable silence to let her/him feel how you feel

THE SECOND HALF OF THE REPRIMAND

6) Affectionately touch your partner in a way that lets her/him know you are honestly on her/his side

7) Remind your partner how much you value him/her

8) Reaffirm that you think well of her/him but not of her/his performance in this situation

9) Realize that when the reprimand is over, it's over

At the end of this role play you two should have taken turns giving each other a reprimand.

 

STEP 4 - Review

Once you have completed your three role plays of Goal Setting, Praising and Reprimanding, you now need to review your performance in each of the three steps. To assist your discussion, here are a few more principles of the One Minute Manager to reflect on, as you critique each other’s performance,

1) Partners who feel good about themselves produce good results.

2) Help your partner reach her/his full potential - catch her/him doing something right .

3) The best time spent is time you invest in your partner.

4) Everyone is a potential winner. Sometimes your partner is disguised as a loser. Don't let her/his appearance fool you.

5) Take a minute: Look at your goals; look at your performance and see if your behavior matches your goals.

6) We are not just our behavior, we are the person managing our behavior.

7) Goals begin behavior. Consequences maintain behavior.

 

Suggested Discussion Questions

 

1, How easy was it for us to arrive at behavioral goals to solve problems?

 

2. How difficult was it to limit a goal statement to less than 250 .words?

 

3. Why is it better to break a general goal down into smaller and specific, more obtainable goals at first?

 

4. How easy was it to give praise and, on the other hand,how easy was it to receive praise?

 

5, When did you become uncomfortable in any of the three role situations?

 

6. How does this reprimand process differ from our typical form of critique or problem identification?

 

7. How in our marr iage would this three step process increase our personal performance?

 

8. Why do we resist using formalized problem solving steps in our everyday living together?

 

9. How would we like to use the three step role play with the other three topics to gain more experience? Better yet, how about taking a current common problem and using the three steps?           

 

10. What can we do to ensure we incorporate these personal performance principles as we continue our Marriage Work-Out?

 

In your Journal Record Your Personal Notes on this Exercise

5-6 Follow-up Work-Out for My Personal Functioning

 

As a result of our exercises, discussions, and efforts, in this section of our Marriage Work-Out, we have come up with this action plan to continue and follow up the health enhancing we have just completed

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I.  Personal Functioning Needs

The following are needs which I still have to address to fully achieve full health in my personal functioning in our marital relationship:

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II. Strategic Steps towards Growth in Personal Functioning

The following are specific steps we will take to address my needs to improve personal functioning in this relationship:

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III. Personal Responsibility Taking

The following are the things I will specifically do to ensure that I continue to grow in my personal functioning in this relationship:

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IV. Evaluation Action Plan for My Personal Functioning    

We will know we have achieved our goal for us to grow in our personal functioning in    our relationship by the following measurable behavioral changes:

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10.

 

We agree to the above Marriage Work-Out plans for our personal functioning.     

 

 

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My signature                                            My partner's signature

 

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Date                                                           Date