PATHFINDER Parenting:

Pathfinders track the natural and logical behavioral consequences of their children's behaviors so as to encourage them to become personally responsible for their own lives. Pathfinders begin this tracking from birth and continue on into their children's adulthood. Pathfinders parent their children using principles listed in P-Pathfinder Parenting Principles. They activate their children's self-esteem utilizing the developmental parenting tasks over the life span as outlined in A-Activating Self-Esteeem. They formulate structures and policies as outlined in T-Tracking Structurers. They hug their children establishing lifelong bonding as outlined in H-Hugging for Bonding. The use of natural and logical consequences as a response to their behaviors, encourages them to take notice much earlier and more dramatically. The earlier they learn the impact of their behaviors on themselves the earlier they can learn to modify them and become more personally responsible for their own outcomes. This does not take away from the self-esteem and bonding efforts of parents but rather enhances them.

The use of natural and logical consequences is a thinking person's method of parenting. The goal of this approach is to eliminate all screaming, yelling, ranting, and raving to get children's attention to the adverse impact of their negative behaviors. Instead, this model puts the onus or burden on the children to recognize for themselves the impact of their own behaviors on themselves. The end result of implementing this model, along with the structuring outlined in T-Tracking Structures, is to assist parents to do less direct disciplining, behavioral management, or over-parenting. Once the consequences are recognized, agreed to, outlined, and recorded, all parents need to do is remind children of the consequence if a negative behavior should occur. Pathfinders then watch to see that the children experience the designated consequence prescribed. This takes time investment initially to identify natural consequences, develop logical consequences, and record these for the myriad behaviors children exhibit. There is a need to modify the list as children grow older, circumstances change, and developmental needs differ. Pathfinders utilize the family meetings outlined in T-Tracking Structures to work out changed behavioral consequences with their children.

A natural consequence of a behavior is what happens naturally once it is exhibited. Most of the behaviors which children engage in can be modified by allowing them to experience the natural consequences. The modifications result from children realizing the negative impact to themselves of the natural consequence for their behaviors. If the natural consequence is aversive enough to children they will be intrinsically motivated to modify their behaviors in the future to avoid the consequence. If the natural consequence is not aversive enough or if it is too dangerous to children's welfare, and if it would take too long to take effect, then Pathfinders develop logical consequences. The same goal of helping children to be intrinsically motivated to avoid engaging in unacceptable behaviors underlies the use of logical consequences. Logical consequences are best when they are directly related to the behaviors in question and closely approximate the natural consequences as possible.

The notion of requiring children to accept the consequences for their own behaviors is at the root of Pathfinders' desires to let go of the need to control the outcomes for their children.

The monitoring and tracking of consequences requires that parents have a documented listing of consequences for all desired behaviors they wish their children to acquire. This is best handled by recording them in the policy manual outlined in T-Tracking Structures. The policy manual then would not only list the agreed upon expectations of the parents for children's behaviors but also would include the natural and logical consequences if those desired behaviors were not exhibited. This provides both children and parents with a document to refer to on a regular basis to remind them of what the desired outcomes are and what the consequences would be if they do not occur.

1. Never use guilt as a natural or logical consequence to get children to conform to desired behaviors (e.g. do not use: "I would be so disappointed if you did...").
2. Never use the existence of natural or logical consequences as tools of intimidation to get children to change behaviors (e.g. do not use: "You better not do this or else the following will happen to you...").
3. Never use natural or logical consequences as tools of manipulation to get children to do as you wish (e.g. do not use: "If you didn't do it, then this wouldn't have happened to you...").
4. Never use natural or logical consequences as "get backs" to make children sorry that they did not do as you wanted them to (e.g. do not use: "I'll teach you by this consequence to never do what I do not want you to do ...").
5. Never use natural or logical consequences as punishment for doing bad {e.g. do not use: "You have been a bad kid and this consequence will be punishment for what you have done...").
6. Never make logical consequences too different from the natural consequence for the behavior (e.g. do not use: "I don't care what you did. What I do care about is that this is what you are going to have happen to you for doing it...").
7. Never use a logical consequence when a natural consequence exists and it is safe for children to experience (e.g. do not use: "I don't care what the natural consequence is I want you to experience the following instead...").
8. Never use a natural consequence when the health and safety of children would be put at risk (e.g. do not use: "If you run out into the road, you might get hit by a car and die, so just go ahead and try it...").
9. Never use a natural consequence when it would take too much time for the consequence to actually occur (e.g. do not use: "You will get a respiratory problem from smoking when you grow older so it's your choice if you smoke or not now...").
10. Never promise to use natural or logical consequences and then revert to an older form of discipline which will confuse your children as to what are logical consequences (e.g. do not use: "I know I promised you that if you did that behavior that this would happen to you, but I am so mad that I am going to give you a spanking instead...").
11. Always be consistent in your use of natural and logical consequences (e.g. do use: "You have done the following behaviors and the natural or logical consequence for that behavior which was pointed out to your earlier are...").
12. Always spell out the natural and logical consequences clearly so that your children fully understand them and then record them in your family journal so that you have a permanent record of them (e.g. do use: "These are the natural and logical consequences and they are now recorded in our family journal so that we can be reminded what they are if we ever need them...").
13. Always warn your children in advance as much as you can of what the natural or logical consequences will be for behaviors so that you are not placed into a position to come up with a logical consequence after the fact. This helps the children recognize that natural or logical consequences for their actions are their choice and not just another form of discipline for unacceptable behaviors (e.g. do use: "You now know what the consequences for those actions are, so it is now your choice to do them or not.,.").
14. Always be positive when using natural and logical consequences and do not revert to old form with temper or angry outbursts when your children's behaviors do not please you (e.g. do use with no ranting, raving, yelling or screaming: " You did the following and the consequence for that is ...").
15. Always explain fully the natural or logical consequences in detail, so as not to leave your children in question as to their duration, intensity and directions (e.g. do use: "Now that you understand the full impact of the consequences for those possible actions, it is your choice to do them or not...").
16. Always make sure natural and logical consequences result in an immediate response which does not extend over a prolonged period of time during which children can lose sight of why they are experiencing the consequences (e.g. do use: "You will experience this consequence immediately for what you have just done and you can decide for yourself if it was worth doing what you did...").
17. Always remind children that they are free to choose their own behaviors as long as they are ready to accept the natural and logical consequences of their behaviors (e.g. do use: "You are free to do what you want to do now that you know what will happen if you chose to do those behaviors...").
18. Always remind children that they are responsible for their own behaviors which resulted in a natural or logical consequence and that you will not accept their blaming others for their choices (e.g. do use: "You did what you did and you can not point the finger of blame to other people, for this reason you will need to accept the following consequence...").
19. Always remind yourself and your children that the goal of natural and logical consequences is to assist them to accept responsibility for their own lives so that they can grow up into self-sufficient, independent adults with healthy self-esteem (e.g. do use: "You will benefit from the use of these consequences because they will help you to become responsible for your own life...").
20. Always let others in your children's lives know that you practice the Pathfinder Parenting model of natural and logical consequences so that they can use the same model with them in the various settings your children are involved in (e.g. do use: "In our home, my children are used to the natural and logical consequence model so that they can learn to be personally responsible for their own lives and I would prefer for you to use the same model with them...").