Coping.us
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WE ARE ONE!

A Time for Healing, Forgiveness and Unity

FORWORD

Our country has entered a phase in its reality with the recent election and its outcomes. Unfortunately there is still a major split in our country, our communities, our families and our marriages. Time has come to proclaim to one another: WE ARE ONE! We must put behind us the hurts, pain, disagreements and fighting and move forward as ONE to heal, grow and come together to fight COVID-19, racial and economic inequality and disparities in accessibility to fair housing, equal educational opportunities and the availability of basic needs of food, clothing and shelter. We must all join together to make this happen and for this reason, I invite you to send me any material which you believe will help people to learn steps they can take to begin the Healing Process we need so as to be ONE again.

Thanks
Jim Messina
You can reach me at jamesjmessina@coping.us

Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to feel shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,

he learns to find love in the world.


Note: What can we learn from this poem as we do the hard work of achieving: We are One?

What new behavior can we as citizens adopt in order to reduce our current environment of
a split nation, competition, vitriol and animosity?

In order to heal the tribalism, competition, dislike and even hatred in our county, each one of us could:
  • Listen to one another with respect, openness, and acceptance
  • Respond to one another with understanding, caring, and empathy
  • Let go of past hurts and pains
  • Develop trust in one another
  • Be open and vulnerable to growth and change
  • Forgive and forget
  • Be supportive of one another
  • Give and receive reinforcement, acknowledgement, and recognition
  • Use their sense of humor and laugh at each other's follies, idiosyncracies, and habits
  • Let go of anger, hostility, resentment, and aggression
  • Be assertive with one another
  • Develop emotional independence
  • Refrain from being dependent on one another for approval, a sense of identity, or meaning in their life
  • Share the power and control in our social dialogue
  • Problem solve conflicts creatively with a win-win resolution
  • Let go of the fantasies, which are barriers in split national relationship
  • Openly admit the barrier behaviors that causes problems in our societal relationship
  • Openly discuss the need for outside professional help; mutually seek such help
  • Recognize when changes are needed and take the steps to make such changes in our social relationships
  • Recognize when irrational thinking is blocking our society's relationship growth and healing and replace such thinking with a realistic perspective
Jim Messina
November 9, 2020
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A Suggestion to follow in our pursuit of becoming: We are One!
Use the following words of Frederick S. Perls as you enter into or alter relationships with others to make them unconditionally accepting and loving.

I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

and you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you and I am I

and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

Always pray to have Eyes
that see the Best in People,
A Mind that Forgets the Bad,
A Heart that Forgives the Worst,
And a Soul that radiates kindness.
What does Forgiving and Forgetting Look Like?
As we pursue this journey of healing with our fellow citizens have a look at what is entailed in the acts of forgiving and forgetting:


Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person. It is the opening up of yourself to that person to be vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication.

Forgetting is equally as high a human behavior; it is letting go of the need to seek revenge for past offenses.


Forgiving is the God-like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure, and lighten the burden of guilt.

Forgetting is the God-like gift of spiritually touching others' hearts with the reassurance of a happy and full life with no fear of recrimination, remonstrants, or reminding of past offenses.


Forgiving is allowing another person to be human with faults, mistakes, or misdeeds.

Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.

 

Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings, or animosity for any wrongdoing.

Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.

 

Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you.

Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.

 

Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow, and regret expressed over a grievous personal offense; making it sufficient to clear the air.

Forgetting is your commitment to let go of anger, hurt, and pain over this offense.

 

Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful, or painful act is fully accepted.

Forgetting is the development of a plan of action between the two of you to heal the scars resulting from the behavior.

 

Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal.

Forgetting is also an act of love, a form of rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full, functional, living reality.

 

Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment, or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship.

Forgetting is bridging this gap in the relationship, eventually strengthening it against such a break in the future.

 

Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity, and gentleness by which you let another know that they are indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier preventing goodness and worth to shine through.

Forgetting is the act of encouragement, support, and reinforcement by which you assist the other person to rebuild, reconnect and re-establish a loving, caring, healthy relationship with you, others, and the world whereby gifts, talents, and skills are freely appreciated and shared.

Jim Messina
November 9, 2020

Take the Risk and Open Up To Help You and Others to become: We are One!

Once you have worked at forgiving and forgetting so that you can heal your relationships with others,  then you need to recognize that to increase in unconditional acceptance and love of self and others opens you and the others to be vulnerable, as John Wood so clearly points out in this poem. 

 

Taking a Risk

I will present you parts of myself slowly.

If you are patient and tender,

I will open drawers that mostly stay closed,

and bring out places and people and things, sounds and smells,

love and frustrations, hopes and sadness.

Bits and pieces of life that have been grabbed off in chunks

and found lying in my hands

they have eaten their way into my heart altogether,

you or I will never see them.They are me

If you regard them lightly, deny that they are important, or worse judge them.

I will quietly slowly  begin to wrap them up in small pieces of velvet,

like worn silver and gold jewelry,

tuck them away in a small wooden chest of drawers and close them away.

A Word from Richard Rohr

Love Your Enemies

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ But I say unto you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. —Matthew 5:43–45

In the United States few public figures have spoken more plainly and powerfully about Jesus’ teaching to love our enemies than the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This was not an abstract theological question for Dr. King. He wrestled practically and at great cost with how to love his enemies, both through prayer and through nonviolent direct action. This passage is an excerpt from King’s sermon “Loving Your Enemies.”

When I speak of love I am not speaking of some sentimental and weak response. I am speaking of that force which all of the great religions have seen as the supreme unifying principle of life. Love is somehow the key that unlocks the door which leads to ultimate reality. . .

Probably no admonition of Jesus has been more difficult to follow than the command to “love your enemies.” Some people have sincerely felt that its actual practice is not possible. It is easy, they say, to love those who love you, but how can one love those who openly and insidiously seek to defeat you? . . .

This command of Jesus challenges us with new urgency. Upheaval after upheaval has reminded us that modern humanity is traveling along a road called hate, in a journey that will bring us to destruction. . . . Far from being the pious injunction of a Utopian dreamer, the command to love one’s enemy is an absolute necessity for our survival. Love even for enemies is the key to the solution of the problems of our world. Jesus is not an impractical idealist: he is the practical realist.

I am certain that Jesus understood the difficulty inherent in the act of loving one’s enemy. He never joined the ranks of those who talk glibly about the easiness of the moral life. He realized that every genuine expression of love grows out of a consistent and total surrender to God. So when Jesus said “Love your enemy,” he was not unmindful of its stringent qualities. Yet he meant every word of it. Our responsibility as Christians is to discover the meaning of this command and seek passionately to live it out in our daily lives. . .

When Jesus bids us to love our enemies, he is speaking of neither eros [romantic love] nor philia [reciprocal love of friends]; he is speaking of agape, understanding and creative, redemptive goodwill for all people. Only by following this way and responding with this type of love are we able to be children of our Father who is in Heaven.

This is a timely reminder to Christians around the world. We must ask ourselves “What would it mean to seek to embody love as ‘creative, redemptive goodwill’ on behalf of all living things?”

Richard Rohr

November 9, 2020

Note: These wonderful words were sent to me for the We are One site from my friend Sharon Foote. Thanks Sharon.

Post Election Split in our Country Needs Healing
Youtube videos spelling out the split in our country and the efforts for reconciliation:

Relationships: Dos and Don'ts During Stressful Times Mar 25, 2020 at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnNCShwO-T8

Dealing with post election stress? Mental Health Expert Offers Coping Tools Nov 16, 2020 at:
How can Americans heal a fiercely divisive election?

How the U.S. can heal after such a close election

Post Election Sermon Nov 8, 2020 at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4RzkZSAkzs
A message from the St Pauls Letter to Philemon calling for reconciliation and healing a message we need now at this point in our history..

How to recover from post election anxiety according to mental health experts Nov 4, 2020 at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQYW3GJDAH0

A question about how to resolve differences of morality in: Let's talk about the election isn't all about politics... Nov 5, 2020 at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz_zAgrA6O0

Let's Talk about Hamilton and why it resonates ... Nov 17, 2020 at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHCnoa-MLag