Scriptural Support for ANGER Workout

Victorious Living - Scriptural Foundation for Healthy Living and Coping

By Jim Messina, Ph.D., CCMHC, NCC, DCMHS-T

Description of Types and Faces of Anger

There are two types of anger:

Anger In: This is a feeling of anger but directing it toward oneself, inwardly directed anger. It is manifested by depression or suppressed hostility.

Anger Out: This is a feeling of anger and directing it toward other persons or things, outwardly directed anger.

Anger has many faces, which are primarily Anger, Hostility and Aggression. The difference between them are:

Anger refers to an emotional state consisting of feelings that vary in intensity from mild irritation or annoyance to intense fury and rage.

Hostility refers to an emotional state involving angry feelings that result in a complex set of attitudes. These attitudes motivate aggressive behavior directed at people or things.

Aggression refers to a set of behavior traits directed at destroying objects and injuring or punishing people.

People have common ways of dealing with anger and they are:

Repression - experiencing but immediately forgetting or stuffing the anger

Nonfeeling - never even identifying the feelings or sensation of being angry

Displacement - getting angry with a person or thing when something or someone else is the actual target of the anger

Controlling - holding in the emotional storm of the anger

Suppression - experiencing the anger but holding it in with no expression of it.

Quiet crying - suppressed anger with no verbal or physical cathartic process; this stifles the emotion of anger and changes it to sadness and pain

Overreaction - fury or rage at something or someone who perhaps does not deserve such a reaction.

Assertive confrontation - a direct response of how I feel about the person or thing that angered me

A healthy, rational, realistic, and moral way of dealing with anger, which is rooted in your past.

If you are angry, you need to first face the anger for what it is and don't avoid it. You will need to identify the feelings at the root of your anger (anger-out) or depression. (anger-in) and use “I statements” to express the feelings of your anger. In the process you need to identify the jealousy, pride, guilt, resentment, rage, fear, embarrassment, depression involved in this anger. Once you have identified them you need to confront the issues that stimulate the anger. Analyze them for what they are: are they stimuli drawing on deep-seated subconscious feelings of anger that indicate unresolved emotional blocks from your past or are they current anger issues which are playing on your “humanity and weaknesses.” Also you need to determine if your anger is disproportionate to the precipitating event and determine if the event was nothing more than a trigger of deeply seated old anger over things in your past, which has never been resolved. You then can use imagery, role playing, an empty chair, or other object to confront past hurts and pains and express the submerged feelings that come out as you deal with this anger. Once you have expelled the explosive anger emotional response you have been feeling then you need to inform people in your current life of your need to analyze your anger responses. You need to make them part of your process and seek their assistance and understanding in this exploration. If your current anger is not the result of efforts to uncover submerged feelings of old anger, then treat the current anger with rational “I' statements” like: “I feel angry because….” 

Steps for a healthy, rational, realistic, and moral handling of an anger stimulating event.

Once your anger is aroused try these steps:

Step 1:  Relax yourself by using deep, natural breathing and muscle relaxation.

Take deep breaths and silently repeat the words “relax” until you are able to calm down.

Do not say or do anything until you are calm.

Avoid words or actions in the “heat” of the moment.

Step 2: Recognize what arouses or provokes your anger:

Is it a situation, an event, a person?

Is it real or imagined?

Step 3: Use a rational approach to “rethink” “reframe,” and reason what is going on and why you are angry.

Is this a trigger event bringing up old, unresolved anger/resentment?

How is this provocation of your anger a product of your past?

What is the real reason you are getting angry?

Maybe the person provoking your anger is having a bad day or needs more of your understanding.

What are your feelings about this?

What needs to be changed here?

What alternatives could you use to get good results in handling this situation?

Step 4: Once I have a “clearer” idea of what is going on, take steps to change the anger-provoking situation.

Use “I statements”. “I feel angry when you …”

Clarify your feelings.

Point out issues needing clarity.

Relate to the person (stimulating your anger) how what is happening now is triggering feelings from your past.

Identify the unresolved anger, resentment, hostility, or depression, and work on it.

Inject some humor into the situation to defuse the anger or hostility.

Step 5: To rid yourself of any leftover hostility and aggression, promise yourself to perform as much healthy  “anger work-out” process on your own as needed.

Healthy, rational, rational, realistic and moral ways to perform a healthy “anger work-out”

Anger work-out refers to a healthy and full expression of anger on inanimate objects; not on people so as to rid yourself of hostility and aggression aroused by your anger. Each of the following techniques could be used alone or in any combination:

• beating on pillows
• beating on a mattress
• stomping on floor
• beating a bed with tennis or racquetball racket
• beating a rug with a stick
• hitting a weight bag or punching bag
• physical exertion, i.e., playing racquetball, tennis, hand ball, etc.
• yelling in a car with windows closed
• yelling in a paper bag
• ripping up a telephone book or newspapers
• hammering nails in a board
• games in an amusement park that require pounding
• throwing soft objects
• beating a pillow or bed with a foam or plastic bat
• karate or judo practice
• beating drums
• loud yelling
• screaming at a concert or sports event
• screaming in a vacant field or park
• using a shovel to dig holes in the dirt
• hitting balls or stones with a baseball bat
• hitting a ball against a wall with racket or hand
• bowling to hit all the pins down
• writing a letter of anger, but ripping it up the next day and not mailing it
• expressing feelings by writing in a journal
• wringing a wet towel
• using a hammer to smash glass in a bag
• kneading bread or play dough

Issues you need to face so that you can handle anger in a healthy, rational, realistic and moral way so as to experience Victorious Living

Maybe what you need to do is to redefine the role of anger in your life. You may need to accept that anger is a signal that things are not going your way. You might need to reframe your attitude about anger and see it as a motivator for you to change things or to rectify them. If you are finding that you are not victorious in your life you might need to accept that one cause of it could be that unresolved anger blocks your emotional growth and robs you of your joy and zest for life. You might need to accept anger as a sign that you need to take an assertive stance to tune into how you are feeling and why. You might need to accept that anger is directly related to your thoughts. If you have angry thoughts you will become angry. However, if you don't have angry thoughts, you won't become angry. 

Also you need to accept that depression is anger that has been suppressed. If you find that you are a hostile person then you need to accept that a hostile attitude is often the sign of an individual with chronic, unresolved anger. The anger can be expressed in either passive or aggressive ways. You need to accept that if you are aggressive in your anger that aggressive anger, verbal or physical, only intensifies once it begins to be expressed. If you shower your anger on other people in a “cathartic” process that such catharsis of anger, the ventilation of anger on a person, usually leads to an increase in anger. Anger usually intensifies when expressed in this way. You need to accept that anger is usually related to you and your reaction to something or someone. It is controllable by teaching yourself new ways to handle the “anger provoking” people, places, things,  situations, or events. You need to assess if your angry reaction to a current situation may be because the situation is a “trigger” or “hot button” that drags up “old,” unresolved anger. 

Anger is not always bad for us. You many need to be open to accept that anger can be turned into a source of strength to change your way of acting and reacting to situations, events, or people. You need to accept that ventilating anger directly on people is aggressive behavior and benefits no one. Since you usually feel guilt, shame, or even greater anger after such ventilation. Whatever provoked your anger usually doesn't change. So you need to harness anger into a productive force in your life  so as to assist your spiritual and emotional, growth.      

Resentment a cancer which robs the Victory out of life

Resentment is the harboring of animosity against a person or group of people whom you feel has mistreated or denied you your rights.. It is a grudge you hold against a person or group of people whom you feel has kept you from achieving a success in life you aspired to. Resentment is a form of unresolved anger you have over negative events which occurred in your past life. You know you are filled with resentment because you are feel a seething, aching emotional turmoil whenever a certain person or event is discussed. It results in your inability to forgive and inability to let go and inability to forget. Resentment often is the root of distrust and suspicion you have when dealing with people or events that brought you pain in the past. It results from unresolved grief you experienced when you found it difficult to accept a loss in your life. Resentment then comes from being heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort and energy to achieve something that eventually was lost to you. It results in feelings that you were unjustly victimized with no resolution to the problem. Resentment is a smoldering, long-term suffering in silence when an open expression of hurt is unwanted and uninvited so much so that it is a cancer robbing you of contentment in life. It robs you of the Victory in life, which comes from having Christ and the Gospel in your life. It becomes the root of your depression, which keeps you stuck and not growing as a person.

You know you are filled with resentment toward a person or group of people  when you find yourself doing one or more of the following behaviors: 

1. You pout or fume silently in their presence or at the mention of their name. 

2.  You get upset when music, a movie, or a TV show reminds you of the unpleasant interactions you have had with them. 

3. You speak in a derisive or demeaning way about them. 

4. You have nightmares or distressing thoughts or daydreams about them. 

5. You find yourself stuck in your efforts for personal growth and you don't even know why. 

6. You get furious for no apparent reason. 

7. You get depressed, despondent, and find yourself going in circles in your attempts to overcome these negative feelings. 

8. You avoid mentioning or discussing anything that relates to your past anger with them. 

9. You grit your teeth and smile when you really want to scream and yell when these people are mentioned to you. 

10. You fake enthusiasm and excitement about being with these people when you'd rather have nothing to do with them.

Behavioral patterns of silent withdrawn anger which rob you of Victorious Living in Christ

When you withdraw from the open expression and admission of your anger, you set yourself up for alternative forms of unhealthy anger expression, which are often self-destructive. They include:

Binging and purging. This is the clearest evidence of your internal anger. Purging violates your person and masks your raging anger. It is one way to rid yourself of anger without having to express it.

Escaping into alcohol or other drugs. You choose alcohol or another drug to medicate your anger and calm yourself down. You find yourself consuming these substances to the degree to which you currently stuff or have stuffed anger in the past. The anger is never exhausted and you need continuous medication to silence it.

Overeating. This is a figurative and literal form of stuffing your anger down. In an attempt to nurture yourself, you treat yourself to a calming friend: food. Unfortunately your “friend” food overwhelms you by adding pound after pound. The “jolly fat person” is often really silently angry.

Daydreaming. When you are angry at what is going on, you can withdraw into yourself; escape into your imagination through vivid daydreams. Your fantasies concern how you would like your life to be. Your daydreams are of a perfect life where your enemies are punished and you succeed.

People-pleasing behavior. You find it impossible to be honest with people when they have angered you so you set out to please them. You either do as much as you can for them so that they are grateful and never anger you, or you put your “happy, good” face on so they never know how angry with them, you really are.

Entertaining behavior. Rather than confront your angry feelings honestly, you resort to jokes, stories, quips, or any other diversion to avoid the angry feelings and act happy. You push your anger down and away.

Pulling-in behavior. Recognizing that it is better to be invisible during negative situations, you pull in your feelings in and avoid contact with those who anger you. You become more and more isolated from the anger stimulus. You pull your anger deep inside.

Compulsive behavior. Excessive gambling, compulsive shopping, and credit card use, uncontrolled sexual activity alone or with others, excessive reading or any other behavior gone out of control are external expressions of the anger that you harbor silently within you.

Workaholism. Escaping into your work or studies is a convenient outlet with which to avoid dealing with your anger. Because others often reward this behavior, it is a great way to hide your angry feelings, especially if they are negative and either unattractive or unacceptable to yourself.

Social isolation. Fearing that you will express your anger openly if people provoke you, you find it better to isolate and insulate yourself from society. Being socially isolated becomes so comfortable that you choose to be a loner, a recluse, or a hermit never running the risk of interaction with others.

Depression. This takes many forms, including lethargy and exhaustion. It is unresolved anger. It robs you of your energy and enthusiasm about life. You are often blue, down, and flat. It is hard to believe that you are filled with the joy and peace, which surpasses all understanding when you are feeling this way.

Stubbornness. You are so determined not to let others “get” to you with their negative attitudes that you become stuck in your resolve to withhold your emotional response. You get so stuck that you become unable to ventilate your anger even in role play or imagined anger work-out sessions.

Wearing masks. Rather than let your anger show, you wear a mask in front of those who anger you. You withdraw your true feelings into yourself, often permanently hiding them behind masks so that even you don't know what they are.

Peace at any price. You fear conflicts so that you will do anything to cover the anger and keep the peace. “Peace at any price” is often your motto. You work hard at keeping all anger both yours and others’ hidden. Unfortunately, this often causes problems; the very conflicts you try to avoid happen anyway, but you are unprepared to handle them honestly and openly.

Shyness. Because you work so hard at avoiding your true feelings (especially the negative ones) you find it painfully difficult to speak with or meet people in groups. You get so used to not speaking that it becomes harder and harder for you to even try.

Stress-related physical illness. Certain physical illnesses are directly related to your inability to confront your anger in a healthy way the moment you feel it. These ailments include high blood pressure, cardiac disease, ulcers, many kinds of cancer, gastro-intestinal diseases, headaches, muscle tension, insomnia, and many others.

Using denial. Because you constantly want life to be happy, pleasant, and more satisfying than it is, you often resort to denial. You deny anger or hostility against those people who hurt, badger, or anger your. You remain unable to resolve your discomfort because your denial blinds you to the causes of it.

Minimizing. It is so much easier to overlook or minimize the impact of negative stimuli in your life than to confront it. However, this attitude misleads people and clouds your priorities. Your life gets out of focus and you’re unprepared to deal with reality.

Procrastinating. Rather than confront issues that might result in negative feelings on your part or others, you put off that which needs immediate attention. This just worsens or exacerbates an already difficult situation and eventually ends in deleterious results for yourself and others. You wind up with disproportionate anger plus guilt.

Controlling. You control the situations in your life to avoid the discomfort of being angry. You like to control people and resort to intimidation and manipulation. It isn't honest, but you think everyone will understand why you had to do it when things finally turn out right and you and they all live happily ever after, which really rarely ever happens.

Signs that you are caught up with getting revenge in your life over unresolved past anger issues

You are unwilling to admit that you have any anger in your life, for fear of guilt of displeasing God because you have such anger. Yet, your behaviors may reflect an attitude of revenge seeking by many of the following behaviors. See if any of the revenge seeking behaviors are true for you:

• You are rarely happy with the people in your life.
• You are rarely content with your life.
• You are rarely content with your material success.
• You are driven to work harder and longer hours to get ahead.
• You seem to work harder and enjoy it less.
• You are unable to find a job that you thoroughly enjoy.
• You tend to jump from job to job with no long-term planning involved.
• Your relationship with your spouse (or significant other) is clouded by your unresolved anger against person(s) of the same sex as your spouse (or significant other).
• You find that you are often at odds with your spouse (or significant other) over anger issues from the past.
• No matter how your spouse (or significant other) tries to change, it is never satisfying to you and you let this fact be known.
• You overreact to little things your spouse (or significant) other does because it taps into old hurts.
• You avoid intimate relationships for fear of rejection, non-acceptance, hurt, or pain.
• You shy away from romantic relationships; you really don't trust the opposite sex.
• You are filled with excuses for why you’re not ready for a committed relationship.
• You are guarded and defensive in a group of new people.
• You find people shy away from you once they have met you because they sense your bitterness.
• You are rarely able to relax, kick up your heels, and just have fun.
• You are obsessed with the idea of “getting even” with others.
• You are bothered by paranoid thinking; you feel that others are out to get you.
• You find it difficult to accept the idea of forgiving your enemies and forgetting their offenses against you.
• You find it difficult to believe that you need to make amends to those you may have hurt, offended, or treated unfairly.
• You find it difficult to believe in turning the other cheek.
• You would rather wage war against those who have hurt you than to make peace.
• It is difficult for you to accept that your parents and family did the best they could knowing what they did at the time.
• It is difficult for you to let go of your anger against those who have scarred your psyche for life.
• You find those who are “all forgiving” too good to be true.
• “Getting even” is a prime motivator for success in life; you are hesitant to let go of this rationale for your behavior.
• Having been the object of prejudice and bigotry, you find it hard to believe that it is better to forgive and forget than to seek revenge.
• If it is good enough for society, why isn't it all right for you to get your just retribution for offenses committed against you, you believe.
• You find it difficult to come to a compromise in which each person comes out feeling like a “winner.”