Pinellas Hope's SEA's 12 Step Program

Small Group Helping Behaviors

In the small group:

1. Give permission to group members to give you feedback if they see you relapsing into old, low self‑esteem behaviors.
2. Give feedback to any group member who is giving advice or trying to fix another person.
3. Keep the group on task to ensure that each member gets to share that meeting.
4. Give feedback if a member is into the “head'” or content and not in touch with the feelings or “gut” response.
5. Give feedback if a member is engaging in self‑pity or any other self‑defeating behaviors in the group.
6. Keep the focus on the feelings by trying to use only reflective and understanding empathic responses to your fellow group members.
7. Share insights gained from books, readings, lectures, movies or plays which pertain to the topic of the evening.
8. Help one another to identify a self‑affirmation to work on during the next week.
9. Use affirmations to reinforce each others efforts to stay on track in the recovery process.
10. Keep the group focused on the positive and avoid the contagion of self‑pity or impossibility thinking.

Buddies at SEA-What is a Buddy?

In order to assist a person to continue working on personal growth and self‑esteem enhancement, the SEA's program encourages the members to become buddies to one another on their own time. The roles of a Buddy are:

1. To be an active support person to another SEA's member.
2. To listen to the person and reflect back an understanding of the feelings being expressed.
3. To participate in social and recreational activities which are “fun” and self‑esteem enhancing.
4. To limit discussions on problems to a minimum to ensure that the relationship is not just an analytical, problem‑solving one but rather one which is spirit‑lifting and esteem enhancing.
5. To give feedback to the other when the person is relapsing into old, low self‑esteem patterns.
6. To give feedback when the person is engaging in self‑pity or other self‑defeating behaviors.
7. To not discuss what goes on in the SEA's group with the other person.
8. To never talk about a third person in a discussion with a buddy.
9. To watch out for codependent behaviors developing in the relationship and to take steps to correct this.
10. To not limit self to buddies when breaking up into the SEA's share groups so that a well‑rounded attitude about life is developed.
11. To not develop into self‑limited small cliques of buddies in the SEA program but rather to be open to be a buddy to whoever asks.
12. To seek mediation from the sponsoring counselor if a conflict arises in a relationship with a buddy.
13. To experiment with new, healthier, self‑enhancing behaviors in the buddy relationship.
14. To give permission to a buddy to give honest and open feedback if needed.

Received by ______________________

Date        ______________________

Step 1: The SEA's 12 Step Workbook

Step 1

We admitted that we were Powerless over the behavioral consequences of our low self-esteem, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Directions: As you systematically work through the twelve steps of the SEA's program, you will be expected to read the material in this section and respond to the questions. Each step contains key words or concepts, which are explored in the questions under each step. Your recovery from the negative impact of self‑esteem is dependent on your honest assessment, admission, and acceptance of the steps you need to take in order to ensure your personal recovery. Most likely over your lifetime you will need to review these twelve steps, so for later reference keep these worksheets in a safe place.

Identify the destructive or negative consequences which resulted from your low self‑esteem behavioral pattern:

Powerless: Powerlessness is a result of one or more of the following circumstances, give examples for the following:

1. preoccupation with problem behaviors:
2. numerous failed attempts to control the problem behaviors:
3. loss of control over the problem behaviors: 

Preoccupation: Preoccupation occurs when your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams are so seriously filled with the negative behavioral consequences of low self‑esteem that the mind is not clearly focused on reality. Give examples of when you have been seriously preoccupied and ignored your responsibilities for self, spouse, family, work, school, or community.

Give Examples in your life:

Numerous failed attempts to control: Failed attempts to control the problem behaviors is a mark of powerlessness because no matter what you tried in the past it never worked. Give examples of some of your past failed attempts to control the problem behaviors.

Loss of control: Loss of control over the problem behaviors causes them to become obsessive, compulsive, and unpredictable.

Obsessiveness: Obsessive thinking and uncontrolled ruminating about problem behaviors render you powerless. Give examples of your obsessive thinking about your problem behaviors:

Compulsivity: Compulsively driven and frenzied acting out your problem behaviors results in a sense of powerlessness. Give examples of where your problem behaviors have taken on the compulsively driven modality:

Unpredictability: When you find yourself to be more the observer than the doer of the action involved, your problem behaviors have become unpredictable. You cannot clearly predict what your next action will be. Give specific examples where you have found your behaviors unpredictable:

Unmanageability of life: Your life is affected by the behavioral consequences of your low self‑esteem to the extent that there is a deterioration of the quality of your life. This deterioration comes from problem behaviors out of control which result in your life being unmanageable. You are not able to maintain goals, make plans, manage your time, or maintain relationships. The spheres of your life which become unmanageable are: inner feeling, emotional life, spiritual life, family life, social life, work life, school life, and community life.

Inner feelings and emotional life: Give examples of how your feelings and emotions deteriorated and became hard to manage:

Spiritual life: Give examples of the deterioration or lack of management of your spiritual life:

Family life: How have your problem behaviors resulting from low self‑esteem affected your family life?

For each member in your current family and family of origin, give examples how they were affected by your behaviors:

Current family:

Family of origin:

Social life: How much “real'' fun do you have with other people?

What is the status of your social support network?

How many close friends do you keep in regular contact with?

How isolated and disconnected have you become?

Give examples of the breakdown in your social life:

Work life: What is the status of your work life?

Have you ever been fired or quit?

How are your relationships with your co‑workers and supervisors?

Are you happy in your career?

Give examples of the effects of your low self‑esteem at work:

School life: Have you gotten the highest education you need to in order succeed in your chosen career?

Did you feel intellectually inferior in school?

Are you an underachiever?

Give examples of how low self‑esteem has affected your school history:

Community life: How involved in your community are you?

Do you reach out to your neighbors?

Do you join civic groups or volunteer in community projects?

Give examples of how your low self‑esteem affects your participation in the community:

Admitting powerlessness: Give examples of why it is not easy for you to admit powerlessness over the behavioral consequences of low self‑esteem:

Accepting powerlessness: Give examples of why it is not easy for you to accept powerlessness over the behavioral consequences of your low self‑esteem:

Denial of the powerlessness over problems: Give examples of denying the powerlessness of the problems resulting from your low self‑esteem through use of:

Pollyanna thinking (things are never as bad as they seem:

Fantasy thinking:

Magical thinking:

Minimizing:

Intellectualization and rationalization:

The “panic” in recovery: Give examples of how the panic in the initial stages of your recovery keeps you from dealing with your admitting and accepting powerlessness over your low self‑esteem‑based problems. This panic results in:

Fear of unknown “new'' me, give an example:

Anxiety over loss of “old'' me, give an example:

Terror at the magnitude of change needed, give an example:

Sensation of getting “sicker'' as you enter “recovery'' give an example:

Reactions of the significant people in your life to your changes, give an example:.

Personal responsibility for change in self: Give examples where you find it difficult to take total control of the efforts to change yourself so that you no longer are affected by the negative behavioral consequences of low self‑esteem. Show how this resistance to taking personal responsibility for self‑change blinds you to the power and strength these problems have over you:

Do this for you:

Control over your emotional life.

Control over your rational thinking.

Control over your behaviors with others.

Conclusion

Now that you have explored Step 1 and the concept of powerlessness, restate for yourself that which you admit and accept as the behaviors and issues which result from your low self‑esteem over which you feel powerless.