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Non-Feeling Behavioral Personality Characteristics

Chapter 11: The Non-Feeling

Behavioral Personality Characteristics
Laying the Foundation:

Personality Traits of Low Self-Esteem

By: James J. Messina, Ph.D.


Non-Feeling Behavior Characteristics


Appearance to world of persons in the non-feeling behavior role

  • Stoic
  • Nothing seems to bother them and they deny problems
  • Very quiet, not verbally expressive
  • Easy to get along with
  • Easygoing on the surface
  • Determined personality, they get the job done
  • Intense thinkers, reasonable attitudes
  • Organized planners and doers
  • Comfortable with tasks requiring conscientious effort
  • Perfectionistic and exact in their work
  • Friendly and sociable
  • Mind their own business, not inquisitive
  • Not bothersome or uncomfortable to be with
  • Reliable, can be counted on
  • Loyal workers who rarely complain
  • Rarely get upset or show anger
  • Low-key, rarely draw attention to self
  • Easily liked and fit in easily
  • Adaptable to a variety of social situations
  • Dependable workers who rarely cause any concern
  • Steady, even-tempered personalities
  • Nonemotional, nonfeeling, nonresponsive
  • Calm, placid personality
  • Rarely complain and tend to get along with others
  • Don't feel strongly enough about things to take a stand
  • Laid-back behavior and attitude toward others

Feelings inside of persons in non-feeling behavior role

  • Not sure what all the fuss is about
  • Annoyed at people who become over-emotional or explosive with their feelings
  • Offended and hurt when challenged about their lack of response to others' feelings
  • Feel as if they are being taken advantage of because of their easygoing nature
  • Unsure if they have the right to stand up for themselves; unsure of what steps to take to ensure protection of their rights
  • Feel they are being victimized by others who are overly verbal and overly emotional
  • Resist being pushed into decisions involving human relationships
  • Feel confident in decisions involving logic and reason; feel insecure in decisions involving feelings and emotions
  • Feel ill at ease when spotlight of attention is put on them
  • Get confused when they are asked by others to tell how they “feel”
  • Annoyed and resentful at those who pressure them to reveal how they “feel”
  • Hide behind a mask of “no feelings”
  • Fearful of getting into intense discussions on emotional issues
  • Resentful for being misunderstood or put down because they do not react emotionally to things, events, or relationships
  • Feel proud about their ability to maintain their cool and laid-back stance in the midst of a crisis
  • Annoyed at the implication that they have problems because they do not respond emotionally to others
  • Annoyed that their rights are being abused, but unsure of what to do about it
  • Insecure in the presence of a sharp witted, verbally emotive individual
  • Threatened by fear of rejection or loss of approval when confronted with demands of others to “show their true colors”
  • Fearful of letting others know how they really feel about things because they are unsure themselves how they feel
  • Feelings of inferiority over inability to identify and label feelings in themselves and others
  • Feelings of incompetency and discomfort in emotional discussions or conversations

Negative consequences of non-feeling behavior role

  • Low self-esteem
  • The more unemotional they remain with verbal or emotional people, the more they experience rejection, being ignored, or taken advantage of
  • They run the risk of developing ulcers, gastrointestinal complaints, high blood pressure, heart disease, and cancer due to unresolved feelings
  • By denial they can allow situations to get so out of hand that they erupt into major crises or disasters
  • They absorb so much pain, hurt, and suffering silently that they run the risk of suffering depression, anxiety, and neurotic phobias
  • They run the risk of medicating their sense of being misunderstood, ignored, and forgotten through abuse of alcohol, drugs, work, food, sex, etc.
  • Their behavior can drive others in their life to a point of panic, hysteria, over-reaction, or emotional exhaustion
  • Their mode of interacting can result in a breakdown in interpersonal relationships until they suffer abandonment by the very ones who love them and reach out to them
  • Their behavior can lead to stubbornness and inflexibility; they can become over-controlling, demanding things be their way or else
  • They have problems getting help from counselors because they feel under pressure to reveal feelings they are unable to identify
  • They resent the over-emphasis on emotions and feelings in a “helping” environment and can become resistant, terminating such helping efforts prematurely
  • They can desire a “status quo” forcing those in the environment to repress all feelings and emotions, creating a high-stress environment where all members are driven to sick behavior
  • Rigid adherence to their behavior can lead them to a perfectionistic, idealistic view of the world where any feelings shown are considered bad; only calm, peaceful co-existence is considered good
  • Non-emotional environments can result in fear of conflict and disagreement, ultimately resulting in avoidance of problem-solving
  • Non-emotional environments can result in a lack of physical intimacy and touching
  • Open signs of affection and caring are absent, leading to physical distancing between the members
  • A person with rigid adherence to this behavior role can lead others to feel unwanted, uncared for, not respected, insecure and unaccepted; therefore, lowering their self-esteem
Some beliefs of persons in the non-feeling behavior role
  • Being overemotional and/or showing feelings is a sign of sickness, instability, weakness, or hysteria.
  • The healthy person is calm, cool, and collected.
  • Too much fuss is made about feelings and emotions.
  • People who are always expressing how they feel lack the logic and sense to solve problems.
  • It is not how you feel that solves a problem; it is what the logical, researched facts are that solve the problem
  • It is the content of a problem or an issue, not the feelings that are important.
  • All this touchy-feely stuff is crap!
  • What are they talking about: “I don't have feelings.” I have feelings. I just can't put words on them.
  • It is not how I feel, but what I think that is important.
  • There is no need to get emotional over everything.
  • Keep a stiff upper lip.
  • Be strong and keep it in.
  • You don't help anybody by hanging your dirty laundry out to dry.
  • You must keep your cool in any crisis, disaster, or loss because if you don't you are bound to overreact, thereby appearing weak.
  • You will never catch me crying in public.
  • There is nothing wrong with keeping things calm, peaceful, and placid.
  • Even-tempered and laid-back, is the only way to be.
  • There is no reason to get outside help for our problems.
  • We should be able to solve our problems easily and in an organized, systematic way with little fuss or turmoil.
  • All counselors, support groups and emotional discussions are crap!

Turning negative non-feeling behavior into positive potential


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Nothing bothers them

Positive Potential: Being able to maintain their cool in the midst of adversity is admirable, as long as they first have been able to identify how they feel about the issues and recognize a healthy emotional course of action to take to rectify the problem.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Can't identify how or what they feel

Positive Potential: Being educated in feelings and the vocabulary of emotions can help them to sensitize themselves to their own and others' feelings. Learning to listen and respond to feelings can help them to improve. It takes practice, practice, practice.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Easygoing

Positive Potential: Easygoing people are comfortable to be with. They should be encouraged to retain this posture as long as it is authentic and as long as the others in their lives know how they feel about things and respect their rights in the process.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Quiet, not verbally expressive

Positive Potential: Once they are educated in the emotional vocabulary and have had practice in identifying feelings in others and themselves, they will be able to state their feelings openly and to respond to others' feelings.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Rarely complain

Positive Potential: Once they are able to identify their own negative feelings and are able to identify when their rights are being abused or taken advantage of, they will no longer be hesitant to complain when things aren't going right. They will ensure that their feelings and rights are considered and respected.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Their silence frustrates others

Positive Potential: If they are given the chance to identify feelings in themselves and in other people, they will be less likely to frustrate the more verbal and emotional people in their lives. They will be able to communicate on a more equal, adult, and mature level.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Resist making decisions on an emotional basis

Positive Potential: An over-dependence on the need for logic, facts, and figures before making a decision can be dissipated once they are shown the benefits of tuning into feelings and the process of communication. They will recognize that some decisions need the input of emotions and feelings in order to be healthy and satisfying to all involved.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Need to be calm

Positive Potential: If they are given a chance to see the emotional and physical benefits of the open expression of feelings and emotions, they will no longer have to hold on desperately to their need to remain calm. They will be able to be more animated in their reactions and responses to issues that have an emotional value to them.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Resentment over being pressured to reveal feelings

Positive Potential: Once they identify the benefits of expressing feelings, they will feel less pressure to do so; therefore, they will have less resentment toward others.


Negative Non-Feeling Behavior: Confusion about their feelings

Positive Potential: Once they are trained to listen and to respond to their feelings and those of others, they will no longer be confused as to what is going on in the emotional arena. They will be able to identify and clarify feelings for themselves.