Turning negative rescuing behavior into positive potential:
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Overly responsible
Positive Potential: Over-responsibility can be converted into appropriate responsibility. The rescuers can be confronted reasonably and have the futility of their efforts pointed out to them. Their responsibility can be re-directed to themselves so that they don't ignore self in their efforts to help others.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: High motivation to help
Positive Potential: High motivation to help can be used to help themselves get out of an immobilizing strangle hold of trying to change the behavior of others at the expense of their own health.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Appearing emotionally stable
Positive Potential: By taking off the mask of emotional stability, the rescuers can get help to recognize that they are as “sick” as the troubled people whom they are trying to help. By admitting emotional instability, the rescuers become more authentic and more likely to get help for themselves.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Overly conscientious
Positive Potential: Being overly conscientious can be converted to being personally conscientious about helping themselves. Not being able to let go of troubled people for fear of what others might think drains their personal resources and energy, making them vulnerable to illness.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Being a good person
Positive Potential: You can't always be a good guy. Helping other people to accept personal responsibility for themselves means that a helper might need to be “mean” and leave the people alone to solve the problems on their own. They can be “good guys” once the troubled people accept the challenge to change themselves.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Victim
Positive Potential: Victims who know they are victims are martyrs and therefore choose to be stepped on by others. Victims are to be pitied, but rescuers are usually not victims, but martyrs and are not to be sympathized with. When rescuers recognize this fact they can change their behavior with troubled people, no longer placing themselves in “victim-like” or martyr roles.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Open admission of problems of troubled persons
Positive Potential: The admission of problems is good behavior when rescuing people openly admit that the rescuing behavior is unhealthy. Admitting that rescuing behavior is problem behavior is the first step in helping rescuers change in order to regain their own health.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Selfless and generous
Positive Potential: Rescuers are often exploited. This behavior can be converted so that the generosity is aimed at themselves with the rescuers recognizing that a certain degree of selfishness is healthy if it means that their personal energy and health are protected from exploitation and abuse
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Loyalty
Positive Potential: Loyalty to their loved and troubled people can be converted to loyalty to self. This change is essential for the rescuers to be able to begin taking care of their personal health and wellbeing.
Negative Rescuing Behavior: Over-tolerance of bizarre behaviors
Positive Potential: Over-tolerance needs to be converted so that the rescuers are able to recognize what is “sick” in their relationship with the troubled people. Once they recognize the “sick” behavior they will be in a better position to react to the troubled people in a rational and healthy manner.
