5-5 Increasing Personal Performance
In the management world the concept of The New One Minute Manager (2015) by Ken Blanchard & Spenser Johnson from William Morrow Books, emphasizes goal setting, praising and reprimanding. These three elements can be used to increase personal functioning in marriage. This activity is centered on the three principles and involves you both in helping each other to improve personal performance in the Marriage Work-Out.
STEP 1 – Goal Setting
To perform this portion of the activity you two are to role play for15 minutes a communications session in which you are discussing one of the following four topics which has been a frequently occurring event. The four topics are:
1. The checking account. Not enough money to cover the bills.
2. The kids are always getting to bed an hour past the allotted bedtime.
3. One partner is feeling unsupported by the other partner
4. The sexual closeness you once felt at the beginning of your married life has dissipated.
Choose one of the four topics to role play now.
Our Role Play topic is: ___________________________
Directions: During your role play you two are going to decide on a specific goal to be accomplished which will begin to rectify the problem being addressed. Be sure during your role play to use Active Listening, Facilitative Responses and Good Problem Solving. Also use these rules of the One Minute Manager for Goal Setting:
1) Agree on your goal
2) Describe the goal in behavioral terms only
3) Write out your goal on a single sheet of paper using less than 250 words
4) Be ready to read and re-read the goal after it is written to reinforce it
5) Be ready to check your performance daily on this goal
6) Be sure your behavior matches your goal
At the end of this role play you each should have written out a behavioral goal to begin to resolve the problem. You both will have a set of behaviors you will need to address to rectify the problem.
STEP 2 – Praising
To perform this portion of the activity you two are to role play for 15 minutes a communications session which is happening one week later than your discussion in Step 1. This time you and your partner are discussing the goal set concerning one of the four topics (See Step 1). Your role play is to focus on the positive progress being made in resolving the earlier mentioned problem. This session should be reassuring, encouraging and positive. Use these rules of the One Minute Manager for Praising:
1) Tell your partner up f ront that you are going to let her/him know how s/he is doing
2) Praise your partner immediately
3) Tell your partner what s/he did right - .be specific
4) Tell your partner how good you feel about what s/he did right and how it helps you two resolve the problems identified
5) Stop for a moment of silence after each "praise" statement to let your partner "feel" how good you feel
6) Encourage your partner to do more of the same ,
7) Affectionately touch your partner in a way that makes it clear that you support her/his success in this matter
At the end of this role play, you two should have reinforced each other's progress in attaining the goals identified in Step 1, by taking turns praising one another.
STEP 3 – Reprimand
To perform this portion of the activity you two are to role play f or 15 minutes a communications session which is happening one week later than the discussion in Step 2. This time, you and your partner are discussing the 2 goals set concerning one of the four topics (See Step 1). Your role play is to focus on specific behaviors which are not in accord with the goals. To do this role play utilize these rules of the One Minute Manager for Reprimanding.
1) Tell your partner beforehand that you are going to let her/him know how s/he is doing and in no uncertain terms
FIRST HALF OF THE REPRIMAND
2) Reprimand your partner immediately when the target behaviors occur
3) Tell your partner how you feel about what s/he did wrong and be specific
4) Tell your partner how you feel about what s/he did wrong and in no uncertain terms.
5) Stop for a few seconds of uncomfortable silence to let her/him feel how you feel
THE SECOND HALF OF THE REPRIMAND
6) Affectionately touch your partner in a way that lets her/him know you are honestly on her/his side
7) Remind your partner how much you value him/her
8) Reaffirm that you think well of her/him but not of her/his performance in this situation
9) Realize that when the reprimand is over, it's over
At the end of this role play you two should have taken turns giving each other a reprimand.
STEP 4 - Review
Once you have completed your three role plays of Goal Setting, Praising and Reprimanding, you now need to review your performance in each of the three steps. To assist your discussion, here are a few more principles of the One Minute Manager to reflect on, as you critique each other’s performance,
1) Partners who feel good about themselves produce good results.
2) Help your partner reach her/his full potential - catch her/him doing something right .
3) The best time spent is time you invest in your partner.
4) Everyone is a potential winner. Sometimes your partner is disguised as a loser. Don't let her/his appearance fool you.
5) Take a minute: Look at your goals; look at your performance and see if your behavior matches your goals.
6) We are not just our behavior, we are the person managing our behavior.
7) Goals begin behavior. Consequences maintain behavior.
Suggested Discussion Questions
1, How easy was it for us to arrive at behavioral goals to solve problems?
2. How difficult was it to limit a goal statement to less than 250 .words?
3. Why is it better to break a general goal down into smaller and specific, more obtainable goals at first?
4. How easy was it to give praise and, on the other hand,how easy was it to receive praise?
5, When did you become uncomfortable in any of the three role situations?
6. How does this reprimand process differ from our typical form of critique or problem identification?
7. How in our marr iage would this three step process increase our personal performance?
8. Why do we resist using formalized problem solving steps in our everyday living together?
9. How would we like to use the three step role play with the other three topics to gain more experience? Better yet, how about taking a current common problem and using the three steps?
10. What can we do to ensure we incorporate these personal performance principles as we continue our Marriage Work-Out?
In your Journal Record Your Personal Notes on this Exercise
