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Handling Fear of Success

Chapter 11: Handling Fear of Success

Tools for Personal Growth

By: James J. Messina, Ph.D.

 

SUCCESS

Suppressing anxieties of not being good enough,

Uniting all talents and virtues for a greater good

Confronting and dismissing existing fears in an appropriate manner

Chance to triumph over competition without feeling unworthy or undeserving recognized and welcomed

Expressing views and opinions without hesitation. Setting

Sights on a goal and achieving it with both sacrifices and rewards. These make up the rough climb, the seemingly impossible

Steps that if completed always lead straight to success, rewarding those who persevere.

Melissa M. Messina

What is fear of success?

Fear of success is the:

  • Fear that you will accomplish all that you set out to, but that you still won't be happy, content, or satisfied once you reach your goal.
  • Belief that you are undeserving of all the good things and recognition that come your way as a result of your accomplishments and successes.
  • Opposite of fear of failure, in that fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes and losing approval. Fear of success is the fear of accomplishment and being recognized and honored.
  • Lack of belief in your own ability to sustain your progress, and the accomplishments you have achieved in your life.
  • Fear that your accomplishments can self-destruct at any time.
  • Belief that no matter how much you are able to achieve or accomplish, it will never be enough to sustain success.
  • Belief that there are others out there who are better than you, who will replace or displace you if you do not maintain your performance record.
  • Belief that success is an end in itself; yet that end is not enough to sustain your interest and/or commitment.
  • Fear that once you have achieved the goals you have worked diligently for, the motivation to continue will fade.
  • Fear that you will find no happiness in your accomplishments; that you will be perpetually dissatisfied with life.

What are the negative consequences of the fear of success?

Fear of success can result in:

  • A lack of effort to achieve goals you have set for yourself in school, on the job, at home, in relationships, or in your personal growth.
  • Self-destructive behavior: tripping yourself up to make sure you do not sustain a certain level of success or achievement you once had in school, on the job, at home, in relationships, or in your personal growth.
  • Problems making decisions, being unable to solve problems.
  • Losing the motivation or the desire to grow, achieve, and succeed.
  • Chronic underachievement.
  • Feeling guilt, confusion, and anxiety when you do achieve success. This leads you to falter, waver, and eventually lose your momentum.
  • Sabotaging any gains you made in your personal growth and mental health, because once you become healthier, a better problem solver, and more together, you fear that no one will pay attention to you. You are habituated to receiving help, sympathy, and compassionate support.
  • Your choosing to do just the opposite of what you need to do to be happy, healthy, and successful.
  • Reinforcing your chronic negativity, chronic pessimism, and chronic lack of achievement since you cannot visualize yourself in a contented, successful life.
  • Denouncing your achievements and accomplishments; seeking ways in which you can denigrate yourself enough to lose what you've gained.

 

What do of those who fear success believe?

  • I have worked so hard to get this far, yet I need to keep on working hard; I'm not sure the effort is worth it.
  • I know people care about me when I am down and out, but will they like me when I am on top and successful?
  • I've never been happy before, so how can I be sure I'll be happy once I achieve my goals?
  • I am nothing, and I deserve nothing.
  • How can people like me if I succeed in reaching my goals in life?
  • I can't sustain the momentum I would need to achieve my goals.
  • How can I be sure that my good fortunes won't go sour and be destroyed?
  • There are always more demands and more needs that have to be met in order for me to be successful, no matter what I do it will never be enough.
  • They are all better, brighter, smarter, and more talented than I am. I really don't deserve to be successful.
  • It's hard to be at the top!
  • Everyone is out to shoot down the head man!
  • No one really likes a winner.
  • Everyone goes for the underdog.
  • I am happiest when I am under pressure and challenged.
  • Hard work, no play, and constant effort make me happy. What would I do if it were different?
  • I feel so guilty when I realize how much I have been given in my life.
  • I'm always afraid I'm going to lose it all.
  • Starting over again gives me meaning and a sense of mission and purpose.
  • I'm so bored with what I've accomplished. What's left to do?
  • Everyone has the right to fail in life, and I have the right to choose to fail if I want to.

What new behavior patterns can help in overcoming your fear of success?

Behavior patterns to overcome a fear of success include:

  • Learning to reinforce yourself for the hard work, effort, and sacrifices you've made to achieve success
  • Being able to honestly appraise your level of achievement, success, and accomplishment
  • Accepting yourself as being healthy, together, happy, successful, prosperous, and accomplished
  • Not giving yourself any excuses for being unsuccessful
  • Giving others in your life permission to give you honest, open, candid feedback when they see you self-destructing or backsliding
  • Monitoring your level of commitment and motivation to reach your goals
  • Visualizing your life when you are successful
  • Giving others credit, recognition, and support for their personal achievements, successes, and accomplishments
  • Honest, open, realistic self-talk that encourages you to work your hardest to achieve the goals you have set for yourself
  • Accepting the compliments and recognition of others with an open heart and mind
Step 1:  You first need to identify the fear of success in your life. To do this, answer the following questions for each of the following 12 issues in your journal:
Fear of Success Questions:
  • What do I think will happen if I achieve success here?
  • What would success in this area of my life look like?
  • In what ways do I feel undeserving of success here?
  • Who am I afraid of hurting or intimidating if I achieve success here?
  • What do I think is lacking to keep me from sustaining success in this area?
  • What are my biggest concerns about succeeding in this area?
  • Who do I believe is more deserving of the success I have or will achieve here?
  • How motivated am I in the struggle for success in this area?
  • In what ways do I think that once I achieve success here that I will lose focus or direction in other areas of my life?
  • In what ways do I think that I'll be unsatisfied or feel unworthy if I achieve success in this area?

 

Areas in Your Life involved in Your Fear of Success:
  1. at school             
  2. on the job                   
  3. with family                  
  4. in marriage          
  5. in relationships
  6. with friends                                              
  7. in your career
  8. in your emotional life
  9. in your hobbies
  10. in sports
  11. in your physical health
  12. in your spiritual life
Step 2:  Once you have completed Step 1, answer the following questions for the same twelve areas of your life impacted by fear of success:
  • What evidence is there that I have not sustained enough effort to achieve my goals in this area?
  • What are my long-range goals for this area?
  • In what ways do I self-destruct achievement and success here?
  • How much of a problem do I have in making decisions here?
  • In what ways has my motivation been diminished in this area?
  • In what ways have I been an underachiever in this area?
  • Have I ever felt guilt, confusion or anxiety when I did achieve a level of success here?
  • Have I ever feared losing people's attention, sympathy, or concern if I achieved success here?
  • Have I ever chosen just the opposite of what I needed to be successful in this area?
  • Have I ever put myself down for achieving success in this area?

 

Step 3:  After looking at the negative consequences of the fear of success in each areas of life, identify the beliefs that lead you to fear success. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational, and replace them with rational beliefs. If your beliefs are negative self-scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts. Use the Tools for Coping tools to assist in this.

 

Step 4:  After you have identified your irrational beliefs and replaced them with rational beliefs and self-affirming scripts, identify what new behavior you need to develop in each of the twelve areas. Answer the following questions in your journal:
  • How can I improve the ways in which I reinforce myself?
  • How can I make a more honest appraisal of my accomplishments?
  • How can I accept myself as being successful?
  • How can I eliminate all excuses for being unsuccessful?
  • Who needs to have permission to give me honest feedback when they see me self-destructing?
  • How can I monitor my level of commitment and motivation to succeed?
  • How can I improve the ways I visualize what it will be like when I achieve my goals?
  • How can I improve the ways in which I offer others reinforcement and praise for their individual success and achievements?
  • How can I improve my self-talk to assist me in achieving my goals?
  • How can I learn to accept the compliments and recognition of others for my success?

 

Step 5:  Once you identify the behavior traits you need to develop in your life, make a commitment to accomplish this. If you continue to have a fear of success, however, return to Step 1 and begin again.