What are behavioral patterns resulting from my silent withdrawn anger?
When I withdraw from the open expression of anger I am setting myself up for alternative forms of unhealthy anger expression, which are often self-destructive. They include:
Binging and purging: This is the clearest evidence of my internal anger. Purging violates my person and masks my raging anger. It is one way to rid myself of anger without having to express it.
Escaping into alcohol or other drugs: I choose alcohol or another drug to medicate my anger and calm me down. I find myself consuming these substances to the degree to which I currently stuff or have stuffed my anger in the past. The anger is never exhausted and I need continuous medication to silence it.
Overeating: This is a figurative and literal form of stuffing my anger down. In an attempt to nurture myself, I treat myself to a calming friend: food. Unfortunately my friend food overwhelms me by adding pound after pound. The jolly fat man is often really silently anger.
Daydreaming: When I am angry at what is going on, I can withdraw into myself; escape into my imagination through vivid daydreams. My fantasies concern how I would like my life to be. My daydreams are of a perfect life where my enemies are punished and I succeed.
People-pleasing behavior: I find it impossible to be honest with people when they have angered me so I set out to please them. I either do as much as I can for them so that they are grateful and never anger me, or I put my happy, good face on so they never know how angry I am.
Entertaining behavior: Rather than confront my angry feelings honestly, I resort to jokes, stories, quips, or any other diversion to avoid the angry feelings and act happy. I push my anger down and away.
Pulling-in behavior: Recognizing that it is better to be invisible during negative situations, I pull my feelings in and avoid contact with those who anger me. I become more and more isolated from the anger stimulus. I pull my anger deep inside.
Compulsive behavior: Excessive gambling, compulsive shopping, and credit card use, uncontrolled sexual activity alone or with others, excessive reading or any other behavior gone out of control are external expressions of the anger that I harbor silently within me.
Workaholism: Escaping into my work or studies is a convenient outlet with which to avoid dealing with my anger. Because others often reward this behavior, it is a great way to hide my angry feelings, especially if they are negative and either unattractive or unacceptable to me.
Social isolation: Fearing that I will express my anger openly if people provoke me, I find it better to isolate and insulate myself from society. Being socially isolated becomes so comfortable that I choose to be a loner, a recluse, or a hermit never running the risk of interaction with others.
Depression: This takes many forms, including lethargy and exhaustion. It is unresolved anger. Helpers in my support network prescribe anger work-out sessions as therapy for my depression and it seems to work for me.
Stubbornness: I am so determined not to let others get to me with their negative attitude that I become stuck in my resolve to withhold my emotional responses. I get so stuck that I become unable to ventilate my anger even in role play or imagined anger work-out sessions.
Wearing masks: Rather than let my anger show, I wear a mask in front of those who anger me. I withdraw my true feelings into myself, often permanently hiding them behind my masks so that even I don't know what they are.
Peace at any price: I fear conflicts so that I will do anything to cover the anger and keep the peace. Peace at any price is often my motto. I work hard at keeping my anger and that of others hidden. Unfortunately, this often causes problems; the very conflicts I try to avoid happen anyway, but I am unprepared to handle them honestly and openly.
Shyness: Because I work so hard at avoiding my true feelings (especially the negative ones) I find it painfully difficult to speak with or meet people in groups. I get so used to not speaking that it becomes harder and harder for me to even try.
Stress related physical illness: Certain physical illnesses are directly related to my inability to confront my anger the moment I feel it. These ailments include high blood pressure, cardiac disease, ulcers, many kinds of cancer, gastro-intestinal diseases, headaches, muscle tension, insomnia, and many others.
Using denial: Because I constantly want life to be happy, pleasant, and more satisfying than it is, I often resort to denial. I deny anger or hostility against those people who hurt, badger, or anger me. I remain unable to resolve my discomfort because my denial blinds me to the causes of it.
Minimizing: It is so much easier to overlook or minimize the impact of negative stimuli in my life than to confront it. However, this attitude misleads people and clouds my priorities. My life gets out of focus and I'm unprepared to deal with reality.
Procrastinating: Rather than confront issues that might result in negative feelings on my part or others, I put off that which needs immediate attention. This just worsens or exacerbates an already difficult situation and eventually ends in deleterious results for me and others. I wind up with the anger plus guilt.
Over-Controlling: I control the situations in my life to avoid the discomfort of being angry. I like to control people and resort to intimidation and manipulation. It isn't honest, but I think everyone will understand why I had to do it when things finally turn out right and we all live happily ever after which really rarely ever happens.
